What a wonderful season to enjoy in the Big Apple. All the decorations are enormous and everything is elaborate! I love being in the center of the decorations and the spirit of the season. People are singing, gathering around the Tree, shopping, and running here and there. Yes we all know that we are not always surrounded by the real reason for Christmas. For Jody and I we are doubly blessed to celebrate our 7th anniversary in a city where we are just big kids. Kids who ooooo and ahh at all the lights, shop windows, trees and season. We love it. It reminds us of the day that will always be precious to us. Thankfully it is so very close to the birthday of the King! Such a wonderful season to celebrate the reason for Christmas. It is all about Him, even in a world that makes it about money and stuff. I love walking in a store and walking out because the prices are completely absurd. Really....why would I pay that? What else could I do with the money. It is international missions month at church.....ummm maybe that would be better than a $600 dress. Ridiculous! I laugh and look at Jody and say....lets get out of here. The real reason of Christmas is celebrated daily in our hearts as we honor Him. Remember Him. Ponder His coming and celebrate that He finished what He came to do. For that we have hope and peace this season. Heaven's peace came down and filled our hearts.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Christmas
For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9: 6
Monday, December 5, 2011
Wait, Work, Watch
Yes, it has been a while again. Thankfully I have found that things are calming down. I am feeling better and with that energy return and balance I am becoming a crazed house cleaner and organizing everything I can get my hands on. It is about time. I'm completing projects that I have meant to do for months. So forgive me for being so slow to complete the list I promised. This one will be fun to write because I was reviewing my journal entries and the "What in the World is Going On" book that I read during my "isolation" time. Great book, awesome points, and I SOOO appreciate a well written and well researched book. I love statistics and comparisons, so the book won me quickly with facts like the US is the #1 consumer of gas but #11 in oil reserves. Ummmm....problem numero uno. That math doesn't work now does it?!
Read 2 Peter 1:5-8
Then 2 Peter 3:1-18
Woohoo!
There were all sorts of sobering facts through the What in the World book. The theme was one simply to keep "plugging along, faithfully fitting into the place where God put us as productive member of society." Reading this book and Revelations continue to be very eye opening but not in a scary sense. From there I read in reverse back to 2 Corinthians and was surprised at how many references verses made to persevere, be patient, continue doing good, the Lord is coming back. Yes He is! NO ONE knows when or where or how or dates or times. That has been made very clear. I now appreciate the theme more throughout the New Testament of the constant promises and hope we have. It reminds me that the daily tasks are not tasks at all. They are opportunities we are given. It is so vital that we take these tasks seriously and not slop our way through them but let the Lord transform the ordinary into extraordinary. Sometimes this requires, at times, patience to wait for God's timing, to just keep pressing into the task at hand as if working for the Lord and other times He lets of be a part of the "harvest". Times where goodness pours out. Whatever time you find yourself in....reflect on it. Be thankful for whatever stage of waiting, working, watching, or harvesting you are in. The Lord's timing is so perfect and worth waiting for.
What I know I did not read anywhere was to relax. Yes, find ways to decrease stress and not take things so seriously that you forget how to laugh and not internalize everything. Stay focused on what the Lord has told you to do and how He wants you to go about it. Honor Him. Glorify Him. Focus on Him. Do not become distracted. But do not worry. Do not make yourself sick trying to control things, make things happen, or stress think everything. (I can write it because He has to teach me how to avoid these!) Of course we can only do this with the Lord's help because we are human. We need His help to focus our mind on what He cares about. Keep focused on the things that really matter, to make sure we are staying on track for what He wants. What a filter! What a challenge! I'm glad that it is not up to me. There is great comfort knowing how incapable I am and how much I have to depend on HIM to offer my best. To keep going when I want to quit, then to realize that He didn't so I can't either. Jesus is a perfect Savior and lived among us. Understands our pressure, our tasks, our conflicts, our struggles, our lives, our work, our impatience yet HE was completely PERFECT. He lived a perfect life. One we can model our life after and continue to offer hope to a hurting world. If He hasn't come back, that's our task. To continue to live for Him, seek Him, and share Him. What a great task and that gives me great hope and great JOY during this Christmas season! He has come for us as a sweet baby to grow up in a lost world. To set the ultimate example for us. To show us what LOVE really is. God's precious, perfect, HOLY SON.
Read 2 Peter 1:5-8
Then 2 Peter 3:1-18
Woohoo!
There were all sorts of sobering facts through the What in the World book. The theme was one simply to keep "plugging along, faithfully fitting into the place where God put us as productive member of society." Reading this book and Revelations continue to be very eye opening but not in a scary sense. From there I read in reverse back to 2 Corinthians and was surprised at how many references verses made to persevere, be patient, continue doing good, the Lord is coming back. Yes He is! NO ONE knows when or where or how or dates or times. That has been made very clear. I now appreciate the theme more throughout the New Testament of the constant promises and hope we have. It reminds me that the daily tasks are not tasks at all. They are opportunities we are given. It is so vital that we take these tasks seriously and not slop our way through them but let the Lord transform the ordinary into extraordinary. Sometimes this requires, at times, patience to wait for God's timing, to just keep pressing into the task at hand as if working for the Lord and other times He lets of be a part of the "harvest". Times where goodness pours out. Whatever time you find yourself in....reflect on it. Be thankful for whatever stage of waiting, working, watching, or harvesting you are in. The Lord's timing is so perfect and worth waiting for.
What I know I did not read anywhere was to relax. Yes, find ways to decrease stress and not take things so seriously that you forget how to laugh and not internalize everything. Stay focused on what the Lord has told you to do and how He wants you to go about it. Honor Him. Glorify Him. Focus on Him. Do not become distracted. But do not worry. Do not make yourself sick trying to control things, make things happen, or stress think everything. (I can write it because He has to teach me how to avoid these!) Of course we can only do this with the Lord's help because we are human. We need His help to focus our mind on what He cares about. Keep focused on the things that really matter, to make sure we are staying on track for what He wants. What a filter! What a challenge! I'm glad that it is not up to me. There is great comfort knowing how incapable I am and how much I have to depend on HIM to offer my best. To keep going when I want to quit, then to realize that He didn't so I can't either. Jesus is a perfect Savior and lived among us. Understands our pressure, our tasks, our conflicts, our struggles, our lives, our work, our impatience yet HE was completely PERFECT. He lived a perfect life. One we can model our life after and continue to offer hope to a hurting world. If He hasn't come back, that's our task. To continue to live for Him, seek Him, and share Him. What a great task and that gives me great hope and great JOY during this Christmas season! He has come for us as a sweet baby to grow up in a lost world. To set the ultimate example for us. To show us what LOVE really is. God's precious, perfect, HOLY SON.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Focus and Persevere: What is your filter?
I guess sometimes my filter is silence. Call it great raisin' but I was always taught if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. That has been the safest thing lately. For 3 weeks I have had skin reactions so bad that I thought I would literally claw my skin off. Maybe its thyroid levels being high and then extremes low, treatment, or coming back on meds. Stress, hormone changes, treatments, overload. My body is just exhausted. When you itch that bad and every inch is covered in hives and redness and rash, there is not much left emotionally. This has been the bottom so my silence has been a good thing. I am sick of this. I am tired of not feeling like myself. There.... SAID IT. Posted it. Committed to the feeling instead of denying it.
Today did not give the answers that I wanted but I am still thankful. Thankful for my husband who stood up for me. Who went to visits with me that I dreaded. I have answers that I just have to wait for the skin to clear. Allergic reactions are fun especially went the cause is "unknown." Of course I have my list narrowed.
So I am once again reminded of my isolation time. God gave me time alone to FOCUS on his word. Throughout the new testament we are told over and over to persevere. Keep the faith. Do not give up, HE is coming back. PERSEVERE and do not forget that. When times are easy, do not forget that the LORD IS GOOD. When times confusing, DO not forget that the LORD endures. When times are ridiculous, God is still in the middle of them. When our world seems to be full of our own chaos, there is a bigger purpose and God's purpose is what matters more. These things should be our focus. He should be our filter FIRST. Not facebook, not even our blog. Not our best friend or spouse. God is my filter and Lord knows that I need to let Him filter more of me so that pure product pours our. Not dense, contaminated, selfishness but His compassion that helps us look beyond ourselves and our overwhelming situations. Focusing on Him allows us to take our eyes off ourselves. Focus on the things that last and persevere in doing the things that He tells us to. Filtering with His precious word and presence.
Today did not give the answers that I wanted but I am still thankful. Thankful for my husband who stood up for me. Who went to visits with me that I dreaded. I have answers that I just have to wait for the skin to clear. Allergic reactions are fun especially went the cause is "unknown." Of course I have my list narrowed.
So I am once again reminded of my isolation time. God gave me time alone to FOCUS on his word. Throughout the new testament we are told over and over to persevere. Keep the faith. Do not give up, HE is coming back. PERSEVERE and do not forget that. When times are easy, do not forget that the LORD IS GOOD. When times confusing, DO not forget that the LORD endures. When times are ridiculous, God is still in the middle of them. When our world seems to be full of our own chaos, there is a bigger purpose and God's purpose is what matters more. These things should be our focus. He should be our filter FIRST. Not facebook, not even our blog. Not our best friend or spouse. God is my filter and Lord knows that I need to let Him filter more of me so that pure product pours our. Not dense, contaminated, selfishness but His compassion that helps us look beyond ourselves and our overwhelming situations. Focusing on Him allows us to take our eyes off ourselves. Focus on the things that last and persevere in doing the things that He tells us to. Filtering with His precious word and presence.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Reflecting
Time alone with God is always productive. Isolation time was very different. It was a knowing you are here for a purpose and you better get something really good out of this. You better listen up... I've got something to say to you. Something that only God can tell you. Reflecting back, my head was jumbled with so many things. Why I am here? Why did this happen? Why did anything have to be there? Why do I have to depend on medication regulation the rest of my life? I just wanted to use the time to de-clutter my thoughts and let God filter out the trash and hold onto more of him. That is so important to have time to do that and I feel with the daily hussle and bussle, I never have time anymore. REAL TIME to just loose track of time and not care. I'm sure that most of us feel like that. We have to prioritize. I have to do better. But that still has one word TOO many in it. Too much I....not enough God.
I realized this as I was trying to process everything that had happened to that point. It was the first break I had gone from diagnosis, to surgery, then after certification to really stop and process what had occurred. WOW. God did all that....brought me through it. I felt half drug-through with all the scrapes and bruises but in reality NO. I was fine. He brought me through literally on eagles wings. I had felt that so many times sitting on my back porch in my favorite swing....."Lord this is too much right now. You have to be kidding. I have this test I cannot handle anymore." His soft voice had reassured me so much....no you cannot handle it, but I can. I need you to move out of the way and just let me handle it. Let me move through you and you just move over. Well okay....that's easy enough when you felt pressed to the limit, like seriously...one more thing and I promise I may just crack. It is humbling to feel like you are clinging to the side of a cliff. Like one wrong move, one bad foothold and I'll crash and burn.
I found myself leaning back on the headboard of the bed. Sinking into the hard wood and finally feeling the relief, the release, the complex relax. There was nowhere else more precious to find yourself than leaning back and letting go of the "I, I, I have to hold this all together. I have to be strong. I have to be tough. I have to study harder. I have to be super mom and wife and PT." The relax, like you long for when you feel muscle soften like butter and the stress melt away, comes when you realize that "I" don't have to do anything but come to this point. The end of myself. And lean back and let go, and LET GOD. Such a fabulous saying but living it each time is another thing all together. It is a RELIEF to let God. It is good to be moved aside in whatever circumstance and feel that He has a bigger purpose for what you are going through. Or just came out of. Or you are about to go through. That's the way it usually works. My mother-in-law says it all the time: you have either just come out of it, about to go into it, or you are in it now. So very true. Use it Lord, because it is all in vain if you don't. Using it Lord, after all, is all for your glory and not for us to worry about making sense of it. Sure is nice when He shows us to remember HIS perspective.
GOD DOES, GOD CAN, and GOD WILL.
I realized this as I was trying to process everything that had happened to that point. It was the first break I had gone from diagnosis, to surgery, then after certification to really stop and process what had occurred. WOW. God did all that....brought me through it. I felt half drug-through with all the scrapes and bruises but in reality NO. I was fine. He brought me through literally on eagles wings. I had felt that so many times sitting on my back porch in my favorite swing....."Lord this is too much right now. You have to be kidding. I have this test I cannot handle anymore." His soft voice had reassured me so much....no you cannot handle it, but I can. I need you to move out of the way and just let me handle it. Let me move through you and you just move over. Well okay....that's easy enough when you felt pressed to the limit, like seriously...one more thing and I promise I may just crack. It is humbling to feel like you are clinging to the side of a cliff. Like one wrong move, one bad foothold and I'll crash and burn.
I found myself leaning back on the headboard of the bed. Sinking into the hard wood and finally feeling the relief, the release, the complex relax. There was nowhere else more precious to find yourself than leaning back and letting go of the "I, I, I have to hold this all together. I have to be strong. I have to be tough. I have to study harder. I have to be super mom and wife and PT." The relax, like you long for when you feel muscle soften like butter and the stress melt away, comes when you realize that "I" don't have to do anything but come to this point. The end of myself. And lean back and let go, and LET GOD. Such a fabulous saying but living it each time is another thing all together. It is a RELIEF to let God. It is good to be moved aside in whatever circumstance and feel that He has a bigger purpose for what you are going through. Or just came out of. Or you are about to go through. That's the way it usually works. My mother-in-law says it all the time: you have either just come out of it, about to go into it, or you are in it now. So very true. Use it Lord, because it is all in vain if you don't. Using it Lord, after all, is all for your glory and not for us to worry about making sense of it. Sure is nice when He shows us to remember HIS perspective.
GOD DOES, GOD CAN, and GOD WILL.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Driving and My Redemption List
Rather than call this next post Isolation Day 4-9 I'm breaking them up. They are what God showed me over the time and I'm going to break them up. Blogs will follow in this order:
1. Reflecting
2. Focus and Persevere: What is Your Filter?
3. Wait, Work, Watch
4. Living in Righteousness
5.Family and the Next Generation
6. Teaching and Passing It On
I really couldn't bring myself to write about those days just yet. They were so bittersweet. Diving back into them tonight it just seemed almost depressing after the amazing drive I had Saturday morning. It was just awesome!! We drove to drop the kids off and headed to Abilene. For those of you that have made this drive and know where we are, you are not allowed to laugh. I have always thought that it is a pretty drive and appreciate the progression from nothing to something to green...yes green compared to where we live. The beauty I appreciate. Mainly just driving has blessed me because God speaks. Especially through music. I love The Message but quickly flipped over to the ipod list....My Redemption. That is what it is. Reminds me of where I came from and just how much I have to be thankful for. It pulls something deep inside of me out til I shout....God loves me and died for Me! How awesome! Now that's what LOVE IS! It draws a DEEPER calling for this life....for the day to day to day. To change it, to not just settle for it, but to allow God to use it and make something of it for HIM.
For those of you who really know me, I grew up with a strong music background. Piano, band, choir, etc. (The last few months have been hard because that's something that was attacked first. The vocals. I lost range first, then hoarseness and the track back up since surgery has been very hard. It attacked the one thing that whisked me into His presence the fastest...just singing and worshipping......remember Satan....you don't win. You LOSE!! The scar tissue and tightness have not been fun. I notice these things to the Nth degree because of course... my training teaches me to be very aware of them. Through great care and great hands (thanks Kaysi!!!) I am getting my range back and enjoy it again very much.....especially in my car! I have this old camp shirt that perfectly describes me. It has a little guy singing and head bangin' sitting in a little beetle that says "I sing in my car". ) Music lights something in my soul. It is my language. When I can't express myself, music can express it and pull it out me. I think that music has a way with all of us.
But driving Saturday reminded just how much My Redemption List has spoken to me over the last several months. This last year. Of course it has pulled me through hard days, tough decisions, hard study days/nights, reminded me of His call on me, CFMT, etc but that list reminded me of JUST HOW MUCH GOD has overcome in and through and despite of me. HE JUST PROVES HOW AWESOME HE IS. Driving Saturday we headed out before sunrise and of course right as the sun was coming up, breaking across the landscape it came to "You Lift Me Up" by The Afters....the part of the song that says Waiting for the sunrise, waiting for the day....and later when it says... I can feel an overtaking of your Love. Yes Lord! I can! It was awesome! (Word of the blog today!)
Other songs on the list like Glory to God by Exodus, Redeemer by Santus Real, Your Great Name by Natalie Grant, Blessing by Laura Story, You Reach for Me By Peter Furler (just to name a few) launch me back to the drive to Steamboat.....to the Christian school we drove to every morning during that week of CFMT. Ramping up for the extreme and hard day ahead. There are not words to describe that week. The songs however come close and just send me back to that week in particular. They transport me to that week of remembering HOW close and How tight and HOW loved and HOW much I felt the Lord that week. That list reminds me of just HOW MUCH I saw God overcome FOR ME that week. Not just that week. But even UP TO that week for me to even be there and know there was nowhere else I was supposed to be. He is so faithful to call us to do things that we are passionate about....but that week I wondered so many times....why this certification? Why this pressure? Why this much material? Of course I knew why....I had been shown many times....through IPA's excellence and passion; a rare form and I would not go another direction until one was complete through IPA. That week showed me that it will never be complete. Not with certifications or teaching or as Christians. There is daily calling to step it up, to keep pressing in, keep improving, to persevere, to encourage others to do the same, to keep striving ALL for HIS GLORY! Nothing else. GLORY TO GOD! Nothing else matters! That list played over and over and over that week and transported me into HIS presence. Where I need to always remain. It reminded me that if it was not for Him then it wasn't worth it. Nothing ever is if the striving is not truly committed to HIM. It flashed me back to the drive from Steamboat back to Denver after the week had ended and as we drove through God's beauty we all just worshipped Him. Relieved it was over. Cut loose to just Praise.
Driving with that playlist just blessed me to just praise again. To cut loose all that did not really matter. Worshipping has a way of refocusing our heart to Him and letting our hearts do what they were meant to do without the excess. To shed ourselves. I thank the Lord for worship and knowing us and gearing us to never be complete unless we are worshipping Him. Singing and praising just helps us do that and fill us back up. To be filled with Him to be able to pour him back out instead of our sourness. Instead of our bitterness. Instead of our focuses. Our busyness. It allows us to be filled with the fullness of HIM so that when we pour out our other forms of worship....studying, working, playing, teaching, treating, serving, coaching, cooking, driving......that we have something better to offer than the stress that all those can produce. So as that 3 hour drive reminded me....it is just GOOD to worship God and be in His presence and to be reminded of HOW GOOD God IS, Has been, and will always be! It is good to be exhausted by a good worship session! Enjoy your "Redemption List" this week and praising and worshipping HIM!
1. Reflecting
2. Focus and Persevere: What is Your Filter?
3. Wait, Work, Watch
4. Living in Righteousness
5.Family and the Next Generation
6. Teaching and Passing It On
I really couldn't bring myself to write about those days just yet. They were so bittersweet. Diving back into them tonight it just seemed almost depressing after the amazing drive I had Saturday morning. It was just awesome!! We drove to drop the kids off and headed to Abilene. For those of you that have made this drive and know where we are, you are not allowed to laugh. I have always thought that it is a pretty drive and appreciate the progression from nothing to something to green...yes green compared to where we live. The beauty I appreciate. Mainly just driving has blessed me because God speaks. Especially through music. I love The Message but quickly flipped over to the ipod list....My Redemption. That is what it is. Reminds me of where I came from and just how much I have to be thankful for. It pulls something deep inside of me out til I shout....God loves me and died for Me! How awesome! Now that's what LOVE IS! It draws a DEEPER calling for this life....for the day to day to day. To change it, to not just settle for it, but to allow God to use it and make something of it for HIM.
For those of you who really know me, I grew up with a strong music background. Piano, band, choir, etc. (The last few months have been hard because that's something that was attacked first. The vocals. I lost range first, then hoarseness and the track back up since surgery has been very hard. It attacked the one thing that whisked me into His presence the fastest...just singing and worshipping......remember Satan....you don't win. You LOSE!! The scar tissue and tightness have not been fun. I notice these things to the Nth degree because of course... my training teaches me to be very aware of them. Through great care and great hands (thanks Kaysi!!!) I am getting my range back and enjoy it again very much.....especially in my car! I have this old camp shirt that perfectly describes me. It has a little guy singing and head bangin' sitting in a little beetle that says "I sing in my car". ) Music lights something in my soul. It is my language. When I can't express myself, music can express it and pull it out me. I think that music has a way with all of us.
But driving Saturday reminded just how much My Redemption List has spoken to me over the last several months. This last year. Of course it has pulled me through hard days, tough decisions, hard study days/nights, reminded me of His call on me, CFMT, etc but that list reminded me of JUST HOW MUCH GOD has overcome in and through and despite of me. HE JUST PROVES HOW AWESOME HE IS. Driving Saturday we headed out before sunrise and of course right as the sun was coming up, breaking across the landscape it came to "You Lift Me Up" by The Afters....the part of the song that says Waiting for the sunrise, waiting for the day....and later when it says... I can feel an overtaking of your Love. Yes Lord! I can! It was awesome! (Word of the blog today!)
Other songs on the list like Glory to God by Exodus, Redeemer by Santus Real, Your Great Name by Natalie Grant, Blessing by Laura Story, You Reach for Me By Peter Furler (just to name a few) launch me back to the drive to Steamboat.....to the Christian school we drove to every morning during that week of CFMT. Ramping up for the extreme and hard day ahead. There are not words to describe that week. The songs however come close and just send me back to that week in particular. They transport me to that week of remembering HOW close and How tight and HOW loved and HOW much I felt the Lord that week. That list reminds me of just HOW MUCH I saw God overcome FOR ME that week. Not just that week. But even UP TO that week for me to even be there and know there was nowhere else I was supposed to be. He is so faithful to call us to do things that we are passionate about....but that week I wondered so many times....why this certification? Why this pressure? Why this much material? Of course I knew why....I had been shown many times....through IPA's excellence and passion; a rare form and I would not go another direction until one was complete through IPA. That week showed me that it will never be complete. Not with certifications or teaching or as Christians. There is daily calling to step it up, to keep pressing in, keep improving, to persevere, to encourage others to do the same, to keep striving ALL for HIS GLORY! Nothing else. GLORY TO GOD! Nothing else matters! That list played over and over and over that week and transported me into HIS presence. Where I need to always remain. It reminded me that if it was not for Him then it wasn't worth it. Nothing ever is if the striving is not truly committed to HIM. It flashed me back to the drive from Steamboat back to Denver after the week had ended and as we drove through God's beauty we all just worshipped Him. Relieved it was over. Cut loose to just Praise.
Driving with that playlist just blessed me to just praise again. To cut loose all that did not really matter. Worshipping has a way of refocusing our heart to Him and letting our hearts do what they were meant to do without the excess. To shed ourselves. I thank the Lord for worship and knowing us and gearing us to never be complete unless we are worshipping Him. Singing and praising just helps us do that and fill us back up. To be filled with Him to be able to pour him back out instead of our sourness. Instead of our bitterness. Instead of our focuses. Our busyness. It allows us to be filled with the fullness of HIM so that when we pour out our other forms of worship....studying, working, playing, teaching, treating, serving, coaching, cooking, driving......that we have something better to offer than the stress that all those can produce. So as that 3 hour drive reminded me....it is just GOOD to worship God and be in His presence and to be reminded of HOW GOOD God IS, Has been, and will always be! It is good to be exhausted by a good worship session! Enjoy your "Redemption List" this week and praising and worshipping HIM!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Medication
Funny how medicine can make you feel. Or not feel as I am finding out. Everyone has been so sweet lately to ask, "How are you feeling after treatment?" My reply, "Great and thanks for asking." I'm such a bad liar. Why do we do that? Is it just easier not to give the real answer....probably. Easier not to bother people with reality. For me, it is really just because someone always has it worse and chances are I have run into them through the course of my day. I'm just thankful! Of course when Oct 28th comes I will be elated! It will mean that I get put back on my medicine. A medicine that I am both ashamed and embarassed to say I feel terrible without. I feel the weakness, I feel the muscles cramps, I FEEL THE RIDICULOUS fatigue. Fatigue is a word that I have never understood or ever let myself camp out on. It is a word that for years I have rejected through sleepless nights of study for years. I have rejected working 9-10+ hr days pregnant with the second. Rejected studying for CFMT with 2 kids and working full time. Then came the speed diagnosis of thyroid cancer, surgery, and finding yourself instantly living on a medicine that you don't really know all that much about.....until you're not on it anymore. Out of all the symptoms, the most frustrating has been the one I'm fighting through to type this. So if I blink twice talking to you face to face, don't hold a gaze with my husband for very long, or just glance at you instead of make good eye contact, don't be offended. My vision is blurred and there just might be 2 of you. So far driving and far-sighted have not been affected so that's great! But it makes typing irritating and frustrating and even confusing. It takes twice as long but accuracy is a must for me as I am blessed to be a perfectionist. I'm spending extra time at work to get it all done but my prayer (is in sight) for the next 2 weeks, I will push through. This to will pass. It is silly but true. His strength is made PERFECT in my weakness, in my lack of meds because others have shared some crazy stories about how they felt. I just smile and nod. I feel those, but so much more I feel Him scoop me up and carry me through and I KNOW that it is HIM because it is nothing else. No med, no will to overcome it myself. Just Him.
I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breathe. Feel your heartbeat. Your love is so deep. It's more than I can take. It's overwhelming.
I love that sweet song right now cause I'm just sitting in my daddy's lap. Exhausted, wrung out, and limp. Nothing left but Him....but that's really all I've ever needed.
I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breathe. Feel your heartbeat. Your love is so deep. It's more than I can take. It's overwhelming.
I love that sweet song right now cause I'm just sitting in my daddy's lap. Exhausted, wrung out, and limp. Nothing left but Him....but that's really all I've ever needed.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Isolation and Revelation
Treatment Summary:
So I guess to summarize the treatment experience: you swallow a radioactive pill like any other and within 10 seconds you're emitting more radiation off than would be safe to be in the public X 4-5 depending on your dosage. Everything I have learned to this point I again say depends on your doctor. The extreme 14 days was specific to be away from MY small children so that I did not damage their developing thyroid glands. After 3 days in the hospital you are safe to be in public 3-4 ft from people and avoid pregnant women at all cost. You can pass them just skip an isle in the store if you see them, just to be safer. Weird experience to be quite honest one of inconvenience. Inconvenient because I have very small children who would not understand, "Mommy can't pick you up. You can't be by my neck." Full separation of environments was for them to be sure that mommy did not expose them to anything their little bodies would be damaged by. Please refer the LAST blog...not really inconvenient...we will say "Divine appointment."
Other than general stomach upset, bouts of welcomed diarrhea (speeds the exit---sorry to be blunt), very sore throat, swelling/ tenderness to salivary glands, loss of appetite and some taste; the treatment was no big deal. The more you can drink the better off you are because that assures that the collection of unabsorbed radioactive iodine isn't camping out in the bladder or bowel and getting out faster....no time to hurt the surrounding tissue! I drank tons, sucked on hard candy, worked out, sat outside to sweat it out (once I was home) and took 2-3 showers a day. After the iodine diet, my stomach sort of rejected normal food again so everything has upset it but like I said---at least it isn't camping out in there! I got bronchitis the night before I went in so time in isolation was welcomed to rest and cough and cough and cough. Made breathing a little harder just because my throat was swollen and sore from the treatment but again....time to rest and recover was doubly welcome.
So I read, wrote and at nights mommy would cry. Nights were very hard. When babies are winding down, getting baths, reading stories, saying prayers....momma was gone. Jody said they asked every night....where's momma? Is she sick....no baby....she's making sure her neck is really better. She loves you...she misses you TONS....she will be home soon!
As you may have read....God was good to return me home at day 9 after a perfect Geiger reading of ZERO...meaning no radiation was coming off my neck area or body and I could be around the kids! God was faithful to surprise me with that!!
Hospital Nights:
God was faithful day and night. At night I would get a second wind. To read more of the Bible or just write. I stuck mostly to Revelation in the hospital and find that funny. (Many others after I got out!) I knew I had 3 days and had never read the whole thing in a sitting and definitely could not say I understood it. Ch 2-3 to the churches were interesting. Sort of you are doing good, BUT not THAT good and keep up the work. Always ending to each with encouragement that doing good comes with its reward.
I found parts fascinating and profound: the 2 witnesses- Ch 11 (WOW!), 7 Plagues in Ch 15, 7 bowls of God's wrath Ch 16, The Woman- the prostitute in Ch 17, The Fall of Babylon in Ch 18, The New Jerusalem Ch 21.
Chapter 22 was great. Read that one before but really walked about from the book in its entirety differently after Rev 22: 10-13: Then he told me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, because the time is near. Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy."
and lets not forget the end especially Rev 22: 18-19, 20: I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.
v20: He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
I mean this blog not as ANYTHING but to share and reflect on the 3 days of hospital isolation. It was an interesting book He guided me to and for that I was thankful for the time alone to go over with God alone, like I said. It is a hard one but such a good one!! One I dare say, that I avoid because it is confusing and loaded and scary. But now not all that scary. It is in there for us to read too!
The warnings to all the churches Ch 2-3 is very relevant to us everyday: we all need to shape up, we all need to do better and not forget that HE IS COMING. Now you OVERCOME! : look at these verses:
Rev 2: 7: He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
Rev 2: 11: He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death.
Rev 2:17: He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.
Rev 3: 3-6: Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you. Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.
Rev 3:11-12: I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have so that no one will take your crown. Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God: and I will also write on him my new name.
Rev 3:20-22: Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.
All in all, I'm not commenting much because I am not trying to add to or take away from these words. Just found the warnings....the BOOK, good and not scary. Just keep on keeping on! This is what will happen. One day He is coming! For that we look forward to and that we are so thankful for!
I will write more later on Day 4-9 in isolation. They too were very, very good! Funny that I got to go home on Day 9 because I actually didn't get to make it through all the books and Bible books I wanted to. But glad that I have my own studying lined out for a while! It is so nice to be lead by the Spirit. It is nice to close all the noise of other books and bible studies at times and just depend on His Word. It truly never fails! Sharper than any double-edged sword......
So I guess to summarize the treatment experience: you swallow a radioactive pill like any other and within 10 seconds you're emitting more radiation off than would be safe to be in the public X 4-5 depending on your dosage. Everything I have learned to this point I again say depends on your doctor. The extreme 14 days was specific to be away from MY small children so that I did not damage their developing thyroid glands. After 3 days in the hospital you are safe to be in public 3-4 ft from people and avoid pregnant women at all cost. You can pass them just skip an isle in the store if you see them, just to be safer. Weird experience to be quite honest one of inconvenience. Inconvenient because I have very small children who would not understand, "Mommy can't pick you up. You can't be by my neck." Full separation of environments was for them to be sure that mommy did not expose them to anything their little bodies would be damaged by. Please refer the LAST blog...not really inconvenient...we will say "Divine appointment."
Other than general stomach upset, bouts of welcomed diarrhea (speeds the exit---sorry to be blunt), very sore throat, swelling/ tenderness to salivary glands, loss of appetite and some taste; the treatment was no big deal. The more you can drink the better off you are because that assures that the collection of unabsorbed radioactive iodine isn't camping out in the bladder or bowel and getting out faster....no time to hurt the surrounding tissue! I drank tons, sucked on hard candy, worked out, sat outside to sweat it out (once I was home) and took 2-3 showers a day. After the iodine diet, my stomach sort of rejected normal food again so everything has upset it but like I said---at least it isn't camping out in there! I got bronchitis the night before I went in so time in isolation was welcomed to rest and cough and cough and cough. Made breathing a little harder just because my throat was swollen and sore from the treatment but again....time to rest and recover was doubly welcome.
So I read, wrote and at nights mommy would cry. Nights were very hard. When babies are winding down, getting baths, reading stories, saying prayers....momma was gone. Jody said they asked every night....where's momma? Is she sick....no baby....she's making sure her neck is really better. She loves you...she misses you TONS....she will be home soon!
As you may have read....God was good to return me home at day 9 after a perfect Geiger reading of ZERO...meaning no radiation was coming off my neck area or body and I could be around the kids! God was faithful to surprise me with that!!
Hospital Nights:
God was faithful day and night. At night I would get a second wind. To read more of the Bible or just write. I stuck mostly to Revelation in the hospital and find that funny. (Many others after I got out!) I knew I had 3 days and had never read the whole thing in a sitting and definitely could not say I understood it. Ch 2-3 to the churches were interesting. Sort of you are doing good, BUT not THAT good and keep up the work. Always ending to each with encouragement that doing good comes with its reward.
I found parts fascinating and profound: the 2 witnesses- Ch 11 (WOW!), 7 Plagues in Ch 15, 7 bowls of God's wrath Ch 16, The Woman- the prostitute in Ch 17, The Fall of Babylon in Ch 18, The New Jerusalem Ch 21.
Chapter 22 was great. Read that one before but really walked about from the book in its entirety differently after Rev 22: 10-13: Then he told me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, because the time is near. Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy."
and lets not forget the end especially Rev 22: 18-19, 20: I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.
v20: He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
I mean this blog not as ANYTHING but to share and reflect on the 3 days of hospital isolation. It was an interesting book He guided me to and for that I was thankful for the time alone to go over with God alone, like I said. It is a hard one but such a good one!! One I dare say, that I avoid because it is confusing and loaded and scary. But now not all that scary. It is in there for us to read too!
The warnings to all the churches Ch 2-3 is very relevant to us everyday: we all need to shape up, we all need to do better and not forget that HE IS COMING. Now you OVERCOME! : look at these verses:
Rev 2: 7: He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.
Rev 2: 11: He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt at all by the second death.
Rev 2:17: He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.
Rev 3: 3-6: Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you. Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.
Rev 3:11-12: I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have so that no one will take your crown. Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God: and I will also write on him my new name.
Rev 3:20-22: Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.
All in all, I'm not commenting much because I am not trying to add to or take away from these words. Just found the warnings....the BOOK, good and not scary. Just keep on keeping on! This is what will happen. One day He is coming! For that we look forward to and that we are so thankful for!
I will write more later on Day 4-9 in isolation. They too were very, very good! Funny that I got to go home on Day 9 because I actually didn't get to make it through all the books and Bible books I wanted to. But glad that I have my own studying lined out for a while! It is so nice to be lead by the Spirit. It is nice to close all the noise of other books and bible studies at times and just depend on His Word. It truly never fails! Sharper than any double-edged sword......
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Isolation
Webster's defines isolation as the act of being isolated. Thanks. Like words are aloneness or solitude and another list of choices. So I clicked on aloneness: exclusive of anyone or anything. Being in total solitude. Awesome. I feel even better after those definitions. I have thought this week more about next week so mentally I will be prepared, (mainly because I will be away from my family, my kids). :( I have such a tendency to let life sneak up on me that sometimes I do not mentally think through some things....like this upcoming experience. It will be on me before I know it. It will be like nothing I have ever had to do before. There have been days when we can say we have avoided people, been sick, chosen to stay in to veg-out, taken advantage of a rainy day, or you name it. Some of us may have taken time with God several days on end to dedicate or pray through hard times, decisions, circumstances, etc. I think my point of all of this is that all of those options were a choice. I feel like this upcoming treatment is not an option...to a point. Don't take it as complaining just yet, bear with me.
There comes a time such as this that a person has to really look into themselves. To find what they are made of through and through. We know what it means to make the most of EVERY circumstance....most of the time. For this momma I dread the 10-14 days that I cannot be around my kids. My heart breaks. The most I have done was during Steamboat IPA certification for 7 days and that was so hard. The only thing I can come up with is, God still lead me to this and will lead me through it. The bits of cancer did not have to be there. I asked and believed. They were and they are out. Like others that have had this type and gone through the treatment, it is just follow up. Precautionary. Not mandantory like I see patients have to do everyday. Yes, even God knows it could have been a different type with a much worse treatment to follow. I praise Him for that so again I AM NOT COMPLAINING.
My choice is my attitude. I will approach these days seeking Him. I cannot be around others --to a degree---seclusion is best for my kids though---and like it says "exclusive of anyone or anything." Funny. We who know Jesus and have asked Him into our hearts are never alone. Never. And you can't take that away. I'm told I can't take my cell with me---maybe an old one--but will have to throw that away, so there goes the computer and the iPod too. So. God has planted me right in the middle of a treatment so specific that I can take nothing with me except the one thing they can't touch or take. HIMSELF. Wow, I really tear up at that. That is some kinda of AWESOME power at work when He strips all the world and all its distractions and blessings and leaves you nothing, but exclusively HIMSELF.
Of course, I'm scared. I'm nervous about being isolated because as I have said in humor before, "I don't have a problem with myself, but I don't know anyone who likes themselves THAT much to be ALONE for 14 days." LOL....for only God and I to hear. Pray for my family-Jody, mom, the kids as they don't have the help, the cooking, etc. So one thing I ask that you pray for me is that I am wide open to hear, to listen, to read (after hospital release), to write, to be still and HEAR HIM. There's no way I am walking away from this time and not be productive for you. No way my family will not be covered while I am away. No way that I am going to walk away without a word. Even if I have to wrestle and never let go and wrestle some more. I have ears to hear and a heart that is hungry because I believe He lead me to this time. There is just no other explanation. I am overwhelmed. Let me use this time wisely for what you want Lord. My heart does ache; I will miss my family, but I'm thirsty for YOU!
There comes a time such as this that a person has to really look into themselves. To find what they are made of through and through. We know what it means to make the most of EVERY circumstance....most of the time. For this momma I dread the 10-14 days that I cannot be around my kids. My heart breaks. The most I have done was during Steamboat IPA certification for 7 days and that was so hard. The only thing I can come up with is, God still lead me to this and will lead me through it. The bits of cancer did not have to be there. I asked and believed. They were and they are out. Like others that have had this type and gone through the treatment, it is just follow up. Precautionary. Not mandantory like I see patients have to do everyday. Yes, even God knows it could have been a different type with a much worse treatment to follow. I praise Him for that so again I AM NOT COMPLAINING.
My choice is my attitude. I will approach these days seeking Him. I cannot be around others --to a degree---seclusion is best for my kids though---and like it says "exclusive of anyone or anything." Funny. We who know Jesus and have asked Him into our hearts are never alone. Never. And you can't take that away. I'm told I can't take my cell with me---maybe an old one--but will have to throw that away, so there goes the computer and the iPod too. So. God has planted me right in the middle of a treatment so specific that I can take nothing with me except the one thing they can't touch or take. HIMSELF. Wow, I really tear up at that. That is some kinda of AWESOME power at work when He strips all the world and all its distractions and blessings and leaves you nothing, but exclusively HIMSELF.
Of course, I'm scared. I'm nervous about being isolated because as I have said in humor before, "I don't have a problem with myself, but I don't know anyone who likes themselves THAT much to be ALONE for 14 days." LOL....for only God and I to hear. Pray for my family-Jody, mom, the kids as they don't have the help, the cooking, etc. So one thing I ask that you pray for me is that I am wide open to hear, to listen, to read (after hospital release), to write, to be still and HEAR HIM. There's no way I am walking away from this time and not be productive for you. No way my family will not be covered while I am away. No way that I am going to walk away without a word. Even if I have to wrestle and never let go and wrestle some more. I have ears to hear and a heart that is hungry because I believe He lead me to this time. There is just no other explanation. I am overwhelmed. Let me use this time wisely for what you want Lord. My heart does ache; I will miss my family, but I'm thirsty for YOU!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
No Flavor? No Problem!
The Low-Iodine Diet
No soy, no dairy, no egg yolks, no breads (with conditioner so home-made is the key!), no butter-tried to find vegan without luck and miss this the most), no food with salt listed in the ingredients, no Red dye #3, no chocolate. Meats must be fresh because most meats are cured--yes salt my friends, so vegan grown/feed and no salt on the list---so far Walmart carries a Harvestland brand that works. Beef, pork, chicken if you can find them fresh.
So far I have baked my own bread & rolls to have toast (without butter, sadness but oh how thankful I am for JELLY!), roasted my own salted batch & a cinammon/sugar almond batch, found some yummy grapefruit candy (you can have dye free gum drops!), made Ratatouille from scratch, orzo pasta, my own homemade tomato sauce from scratch, Balsamic vinegar turkey stir-fry, lemon-herb turkey and veggies, fresh smoothies, apple/cantalope bake for dessert, chewy oatmeal cookies, and found coconut milk okay so I can still enjoy fresh BREWED-not instant- coffee! Thank you thyroid cancer association for the Thy CA cookbook (download online for free) because those recipes have been lifesavers!! The scene in my kitchen this week has been hilarious with the organic, pioneer spread where I start everything from scratch and present a mini feast every night. It reminds me of an all time favorite movie line (6 days, 7 nights), "Aren't you one of those guys? You know. The kind that can take a swiss army knife and a toothpick and they build you a shopping mall." Yes I have taken basics and feel that I have whipped food masterpieces this week. I really have enjoyed trying new things.
It has been an adventure in reading labels and getting dirty looks for reading those labels. It took me 1 hour in Walmart to read labels on meats, pastas-no egg yolks!, and find the other various things that I can have. Iodine you are lurking everywhere and I had NO idea! You make me miss my dairy more than you will ever know but thank you, thank you for not being in fresh fruits and veggies! Lastly thank you for staying far away from sugar. Without a little sugar sprinkle, this week would have been traumatic. :) The trip to Walmart was so a bonus for Reece to add spunk and rare back only to split her head open on your shelf. Added trip to the ER later plus 1 staple to boot and my trip would have just been normal. I run from normal. In fact I am allergic to it! Allergic to it because through all this healthy eating I am either having withdrawl from something OR I am allergic to something because my neck and arms are covered with a lovely rash. Thank you for never ever letting me forget the song "This is the Stuff" this week! I love a good laugh and that is all I have had this week! It has been so nuts from the shopping, diet, and in betweens that I have just stopped to throw my head back and laugh out loud. Life is just flat funny sometimes----or rather MOST of the time! Have a wonderful day and may God Bless you through your "stuff" that drives you crazy because He is in all that too!
No soy, no dairy, no egg yolks, no breads (with conditioner so home-made is the key!), no butter-tried to find vegan without luck and miss this the most), no food with salt listed in the ingredients, no Red dye #3, no chocolate. Meats must be fresh because most meats are cured--yes salt my friends, so vegan grown/feed and no salt on the list---so far Walmart carries a Harvestland brand that works. Beef, pork, chicken if you can find them fresh.
So far I have baked my own bread & rolls to have toast (without butter, sadness but oh how thankful I am for JELLY!), roasted my own salted batch & a cinammon/sugar almond batch, found some yummy grapefruit candy (you can have dye free gum drops!), made Ratatouille from scratch, orzo pasta, my own homemade tomato sauce from scratch, Balsamic vinegar turkey stir-fry, lemon-herb turkey and veggies, fresh smoothies, apple/cantalope bake for dessert, chewy oatmeal cookies, and found coconut milk okay so I can still enjoy fresh BREWED-not instant- coffee! Thank you thyroid cancer association for the Thy CA cookbook (download online for free) because those recipes have been lifesavers!! The scene in my kitchen this week has been hilarious with the organic, pioneer spread where I start everything from scratch and present a mini feast every night. It reminds me of an all time favorite movie line (6 days, 7 nights), "Aren't you one of those guys? You know. The kind that can take a swiss army knife and a toothpick and they build you a shopping mall." Yes I have taken basics and feel that I have whipped food masterpieces this week. I really have enjoyed trying new things.
It has been an adventure in reading labels and getting dirty looks for reading those labels. It took me 1 hour in Walmart to read labels on meats, pastas-no egg yolks!, and find the other various things that I can have. Iodine you are lurking everywhere and I had NO idea! You make me miss my dairy more than you will ever know but thank you, thank you for not being in fresh fruits and veggies! Lastly thank you for staying far away from sugar. Without a little sugar sprinkle, this week would have been traumatic. :) The trip to Walmart was so a bonus for Reece to add spunk and rare back only to split her head open on your shelf. Added trip to the ER later plus 1 staple to boot and my trip would have just been normal. I run from normal. In fact I am allergic to it! Allergic to it because through all this healthy eating I am either having withdrawl from something OR I am allergic to something because my neck and arms are covered with a lovely rash. Thank you for never ever letting me forget the song "This is the Stuff" this week! I love a good laugh and that is all I have had this week! It has been so nuts from the shopping, diet, and in betweens that I have just stopped to throw my head back and laugh out loud. Life is just flat funny sometimes----or rather MOST of the time! Have a wonderful day and may God Bless you through your "stuff" that drives you crazy because He is in all that too!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Remembering Where You Were 9/11
Be courageous! With the movie shortly coming out and the song on the radio, this phrase has be in the forefront of my mind often. The news has flashed picture after picture, recalling that days horrible events. The destruction, the rubble, the chaos. THE COURAGE. I was blessed by a friend to remember how many searched for survivors in that rubble. He blessed me this week so much by letting Jody and I meet his Emergency Certified Dog who would respond to events like 9/11 and other disasters. He recalled stories of a search and rescue team who responded at the Pentagon and how the emotion surrounding that day is just NEVER captured or done justice in any picture. I am so encouraged by his example to pursue courage and excellence. I pray for him often that NO OTHER EVENT of that magnitude will arise so that he will not have to respond. This week the news reminded us of the courage that the men and women showed on United flight 93. LET'S ROLL! In that moment, they knew that that was it. They knew they would never survive and they would die to thwart the plans. But succeed they did. And oh how they did. What a legacy their families are so proud of!
Of course we all mourn the losses again and the wounds are reopened as we approach Sunday. We look back and remember where we were that day, what we were doing, how we felt, how we reacted, and instantly gained perspective on what was truly important in this life. For me, I was looking back over a biology test in Dr. Reinhart's class. He casually walked in and said, "Oh my gosh. A plane hit the tower." and turned on the news to a truly horrific scene. We were all left stunned staring at the screen of smoke on our soil. He left the TV on and said, "well when you're done with your test I guess you can go back to your dorm. We won't have class after this. I'm sure that some of you want to call your families."
Finish the test!??! Are you serious? Well for me (thank goodness) I was done and only looking back over it. I would have probably just turned it in otherwise. I quickly laid my test down but felt sorry for others that were not done and had to try to refocus their thoughts to finish. I walked back to Owen to the lobby where a group had already begun to gather. Girls scared for dads due to work environments, praying for victims and families, and tears. Fear and uncertainty. That night Wayland had a great prayer service in Harral. What power to gather with a room full of believers and bombard the devil. To throw firey prayer darts back in a way only God himself knows the power of. To collectively ponce, pray up, and prepare for the following days ahead. Realizing sadly, we would never grow up in the world we had once known. No one would.
The time any event happens we remember. We look back forcing ourselves to remember those and honor their lives. Remembering the horror of that day and stirring the old emotions that surround 9/11, I remember several things distinctly. Of course there is a melting pot of fear and all its cousins. But as I go through the list, they too begin to fade. I remember the sadness knowing that I am now--10 yrs later-- raising 2 kids in times when I have a horrific event to recall, like some recall JFK or the OK bombing. You know where you were and can recall exactly how you felt. I am proud to look back on that day and recall I was blessed enough to be at WAYLAND and among Godly people. I am blessed that though fear penetrated deep that day, courage rose. Even in the midst of the rubble, a cross stood (thanks Greg for posting that pic!). The victory of Jesus was remembered and people cried out to the LORD.
We were reminded of 2 Chronicles 7:14,
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
That night and the days after we did something powerful with that and simply PRAYED. Do not forget the power behind prayers. I never thought from that day until now that I would have so many blessings to count 10 years later. Never thought that the world would function as it has. God is truly awesome. Remember HIM this 9/11. He is the giver of LIFE and gives us our daily bread. His spirit pours like the fountain where the buildings once stood. Continuously!
You are so good to me. You heal my broken heart. You are my Father in heaven. You are beautiful my sweet sweet song. You are beautiful my sweet sweet song, I will sing again. I will sing again.
Of course we all mourn the losses again and the wounds are reopened as we approach Sunday. We look back and remember where we were that day, what we were doing, how we felt, how we reacted, and instantly gained perspective on what was truly important in this life. For me, I was looking back over a biology test in Dr. Reinhart's class. He casually walked in and said, "Oh my gosh. A plane hit the tower." and turned on the news to a truly horrific scene. We were all left stunned staring at the screen of smoke on our soil. He left the TV on and said, "well when you're done with your test I guess you can go back to your dorm. We won't have class after this. I'm sure that some of you want to call your families."
Finish the test!??! Are you serious? Well for me (thank goodness) I was done and only looking back over it. I would have probably just turned it in otherwise. I quickly laid my test down but felt sorry for others that were not done and had to try to refocus their thoughts to finish. I walked back to Owen to the lobby where a group had already begun to gather. Girls scared for dads due to work environments, praying for victims and families, and tears. Fear and uncertainty. That night Wayland had a great prayer service in Harral. What power to gather with a room full of believers and bombard the devil. To throw firey prayer darts back in a way only God himself knows the power of. To collectively ponce, pray up, and prepare for the following days ahead. Realizing sadly, we would never grow up in the world we had once known. No one would.
The time any event happens we remember. We look back forcing ourselves to remember those and honor their lives. Remembering the horror of that day and stirring the old emotions that surround 9/11, I remember several things distinctly. Of course there is a melting pot of fear and all its cousins. But as I go through the list, they too begin to fade. I remember the sadness knowing that I am now--10 yrs later-- raising 2 kids in times when I have a horrific event to recall, like some recall JFK or the OK bombing. You know where you were and can recall exactly how you felt. I am proud to look back on that day and recall I was blessed enough to be at WAYLAND and among Godly people. I am blessed that though fear penetrated deep that day, courage rose. Even in the midst of the rubble, a cross stood (thanks Greg for posting that pic!). The victory of Jesus was remembered and people cried out to the LORD.
We were reminded of 2 Chronicles 7:14,
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
That night and the days after we did something powerful with that and simply PRAYED. Do not forget the power behind prayers. I never thought from that day until now that I would have so many blessings to count 10 years later. Never thought that the world would function as it has. God is truly awesome. Remember HIM this 9/11. He is the giver of LIFE and gives us our daily bread. His spirit pours like the fountain where the buildings once stood. Continuously!
You are so good to me. You heal my broken heart. You are my Father in heaven. You are beautiful my sweet sweet song. You are beautiful my sweet sweet song, I will sing again. I will sing again.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Mentors
CFMT testing is over! Hard to believe that one week of your life could be so hard, so worthwhile and so invigorating! What an incredible experience! The Lord has blessed me with verses daily and been faithful through His word to speak to me in mighty ways. It has truly been ridiculous! Better than any camp or event someone could have orchestrated, this week has sharpened me in ways I never could have dreamed. Made me realize that we should never go for anything but excellent. No matter the result, I am part of a family of great therapist, people, and colleagues. MENTORS. Ones that you know have sacrificed great amounts to now offer such a refining, specific process. Thankfully, great people who rely more on God the Father and know and tell you where their ability came from. I am so inspired to simply strive, be better, and keep pushing for the BEST. To be the 212 degrees that makes a difference, not one who stops at 211. Water boils at 212 and like the book tells you, at 212 makes steam and can power a locomotive. I pray I can be a better vessel so God can power me to do whatever He wants to also change people's lives. To better use my gifts to help and restore and build up. So I walk away from this experience wanting to share the final verse that God laid on my heart.
John 14:11-14
Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask for anything in my name and I will do it.
I know I have seen my mentors do exactly that this week. Unbelievable gifts and all for the Glory of God! Whatever your "Greater Thing" do it with all your might, working for Lord!
John 14:11-14
Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask for anything in my name and I will do it.
I know I have seen my mentors do exactly that this week. Unbelievable gifts and all for the Glory of God! Whatever your "Greater Thing" do it with all your might, working for Lord!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Walking Among Greatness
Mark 8:22-25
For those of you who are keeping up with me...I am a week away from CFMT testing. 3 days of intense review and three days of testing, 8 written, 8 practical from some of the most respected & effective therapist in the US. YIKES! I would not have done this by my own prompting or passion. It is too great. God was so good to remind me this morning...through the help of Beth Moore that my vision is still impaired. The passage showed that partial healing/sight comes when we don't look completely UP TO HIM. That partially....it leaves us looking to our great mentors as TALLER than they are. More heightened than even they can handle. They of course deserve this respect...they have worked SOOO hard for it. It is theirs. But they are still human. They are people just like us and will ultimately crack under the pressure. We would too. It just reminds me that sight comes only from the Father. Capability and talent comes from HIM alone. We have GREAT, GIFTED teachers among us but all the gifts come from GOD ALONE. I must continue to look up and expect MORE from HIM.
For those of you who are keeping up with me...I am a week away from CFMT testing. 3 days of intense review and three days of testing, 8 written, 8 practical from some of the most respected & effective therapist in the US. YIKES! I would not have done this by my own prompting or passion. It is too great. God was so good to remind me this morning...through the help of Beth Moore that my vision is still impaired. The passage showed that partial healing/sight comes when we don't look completely UP TO HIM. That partially....it leaves us looking to our great mentors as TALLER than they are. More heightened than even they can handle. They of course deserve this respect...they have worked SOOO hard for it. It is theirs. But they are still human. They are people just like us and will ultimately crack under the pressure. We would too. It just reminds me that sight comes only from the Father. Capability and talent comes from HIM alone. We have GREAT, GIFTED teachers among us but all the gifts come from GOD ALONE. I must continue to look up and expect MORE from HIM.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Pressing In
Exhaustion has set in. Days upon end of going to bed late and feeling like there are just not enough hours in the day. I am thankful for the last several months. It has been daily growth by leaps and bounds. Pushing yourself when you feel like there is nothing left. Squeezing out every last ounce of energy and somehow still pushing through. God continues to teach me that His Grace is Enough. Just when I have reached the end of myself, I start to really live on His strength. I have felt this many times in life, but this is a whole new intensity. It is encouraging to feel that when I have nothing left, He has JUST BEGUN to move....through fatigue, through lack of energy, through weakness, through circumstances. It is amazing to see Him work and pick me up. Thank you for my amazing family and especially my husband. I see now more than ever that he is my perfect compliment. He is the support system that has made all my goals possible. You gave me a best friend, companion, coach, teacher, parent, partner, and encourager. You have done all this Lord. All on YOUR STRENGTH. You are good to show me "Not by your own strength, but by MINE." Yes Lord, I hear you. Yes Lord, I see that it is COMPLETELY you. Thank you for carrying me through it all. It is all for YOU!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Reece and Cale
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
More than we could ask or imagine
Ephesians 3:20
Now to Him who is able to do more than we could ask or imagine according to the power that is at work in us.
Overwhelmed by grace. Overwhelmed by God's timing and perfection. Overwhelmed that despite the chaos and confusion that leaves us in turmoil at times, He prevails. Preparing for my test has been all of that. Praying that some amount of sanity comes from all the days, nights, weekends spent studying instead of time with my husband and sweet kids. The closer I get to this the more I feel the attack. Satan is hard at work. I know that I am on the right path because the closer I get the more the devil seems to have a hay day. It just makes me press in harder, knowing that if I wasn't on the right path he would not be messing with me. Trying so hard to knock me off the path and keep me down. I got news for him. He picked the wrong person. Jesus already has won; He has overcome the world and anything we will face. Hard to remember at times yes. Hard to always feel that the Lord is right there sometimes. But we know that He is. It is HIS character, His being. He is unalterable, unchangable, unconditional. I know that again and I just want to give HIM all the credit. He gets the glory and honor because it is all for HIS purpose.
I had my thyroid out yesterday for those that have put bits and pieces together on facebook. Complete. I had been back and forth with the decision based on my certification test in August. I had decided to wait and scheduled for the week after Steamboat. After I called to move it last Wed, I was not at peace and felt like I had justified my way out of it. I kept praying, "God don't let me mess this up. If this is wrong, put someone or something in my path and reroute me." Thursday at work our speech therapist stopped me and asked if I was ready for Monday (the original surgery date). I sheepishly realized he was the first one I talked to about my symptoms and now the last to tell that I had moved the date. Immediately, he expressed concern. The way he worded the rest of the conversation was my answered prayer. Plain and simple. I talked to another co-worker and she confirmed again...I know this test is so important but so is your health. Shame on me for not placing enough value on my health. It is precious. I called the doctor back and they said Monday would still work.
So yesterday, I faced my fear of being completely under anesthesia and had a total thyroidectomy. So thankful that I did. The biopsy showed thyroid cancer. It appears that the doctor was able to remove it all but I will do the radioactive iodine treatment in 2 months. Praise the Lord for perfect timing and provision. Praise the Lord that He watches over our every move and takes away our peace when we are not moving according to HIM. I am overwhelmed that He loves me so much. But why does that overwhelm me? HE HAS NEVER SHOWED ME ANYTHING BUT THAT!! He always surpasses my prayers and expectations and does more than I could ask or imagine!!
Now to Him who is able to do more than we could ask or imagine according to the power that is at work in us.
Overwhelmed by grace. Overwhelmed by God's timing and perfection. Overwhelmed that despite the chaos and confusion that leaves us in turmoil at times, He prevails. Preparing for my test has been all of that. Praying that some amount of sanity comes from all the days, nights, weekends spent studying instead of time with my husband and sweet kids. The closer I get to this the more I feel the attack. Satan is hard at work. I know that I am on the right path because the closer I get the more the devil seems to have a hay day. It just makes me press in harder, knowing that if I wasn't on the right path he would not be messing with me. Trying so hard to knock me off the path and keep me down. I got news for him. He picked the wrong person. Jesus already has won; He has overcome the world and anything we will face. Hard to remember at times yes. Hard to always feel that the Lord is right there sometimes. But we know that He is. It is HIS character, His being. He is unalterable, unchangable, unconditional. I know that again and I just want to give HIM all the credit. He gets the glory and honor because it is all for HIS purpose.
I had my thyroid out yesterday for those that have put bits and pieces together on facebook. Complete. I had been back and forth with the decision based on my certification test in August. I had decided to wait and scheduled for the week after Steamboat. After I called to move it last Wed, I was not at peace and felt like I had justified my way out of it. I kept praying, "God don't let me mess this up. If this is wrong, put someone or something in my path and reroute me." Thursday at work our speech therapist stopped me and asked if I was ready for Monday (the original surgery date). I sheepishly realized he was the first one I talked to about my symptoms and now the last to tell that I had moved the date. Immediately, he expressed concern. The way he worded the rest of the conversation was my answered prayer. Plain and simple. I talked to another co-worker and she confirmed again...I know this test is so important but so is your health. Shame on me for not placing enough value on my health. It is precious. I called the doctor back and they said Monday would still work.
So yesterday, I faced my fear of being completely under anesthesia and had a total thyroidectomy. So thankful that I did. The biopsy showed thyroid cancer. It appears that the doctor was able to remove it all but I will do the radioactive iodine treatment in 2 months. Praise the Lord for perfect timing and provision. Praise the Lord that He watches over our every move and takes away our peace when we are not moving according to HIM. I am overwhelmed that He loves me so much. But why does that overwhelm me? HE HAS NEVER SHOWED ME ANYTHING BUT THAT!! He always surpasses my prayers and expectations and does more than I could ask or imagine!!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Do Not Fear
Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
Again in Isaiah 41:10
Again in Joshua 1:9
and again, and again , and again. I think that God was serious.
So I think with all the reminders I can rest easy and calm down. My head is spinning right now. I had a less than perfect test come back this week and I sit now praying over a surgery. Not fun to anticipate. Not fun when (like a c-section) you can see them coming from a long way off. You can mentally prepare and not be hit blind-sided. But not this time. I should be happy that it is not worse, but I can't help but be selfish and say "Why at all?" Why now in the middle of studying and testing for one of my greatest challenges would this come? It is a bit frustrating and nerve racking to say the least. A distraction, a nagging in the very back of my mind where I have tried hard to bury it. But the decision is still there, waiting to be prayed over, thought over, and ultimately decided on. It is like a bad lump in your throat making it hard to swallow, that just won't go away. Lord, I'm trusting you that we found whatever this is early and you'll squash it in its tracks. You HAVE already gone ahead of me. Take a big girl deep breath and say it again. DO NOT FEAR or BE DISMAYED! Pray for us this week. I thank you for all of them in advance.
The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
Again in Isaiah 41:10
Again in Joshua 1:9
and again, and again , and again. I think that God was serious.
So I think with all the reminders I can rest easy and calm down. My head is spinning right now. I had a less than perfect test come back this week and I sit now praying over a surgery. Not fun to anticipate. Not fun when (like a c-section) you can see them coming from a long way off. You can mentally prepare and not be hit blind-sided. But not this time. I should be happy that it is not worse, but I can't help but be selfish and say "Why at all?" Why now in the middle of studying and testing for one of my greatest challenges would this come? It is a bit frustrating and nerve racking to say the least. A distraction, a nagging in the very back of my mind where I have tried hard to bury it. But the decision is still there, waiting to be prayed over, thought over, and ultimately decided on. It is like a bad lump in your throat making it hard to swallow, that just won't go away. Lord, I'm trusting you that we found whatever this is early and you'll squash it in its tracks. You HAVE already gone ahead of me. Take a big girl deep breath and say it again. DO NOT FEAR or BE DISMAYED! Pray for us this week. I thank you for all of them in advance.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Minding Your Speech
Knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.
This quote has officially kicked my rear. The last few drafts for this have been terrible. I type, delete, retype and still don't like it. This is hard because sometimes with all the opinions out there, sometimes it is better to just be quite. At other times an opinion is needed to bring another option, information, or theory to the table. It is hard to watch people go down a path that is destructive and not say something. At other times, I think people are just mean that do silently watch. They stand back, talk amongst themselves and say, "Yep. I told you so. I knew it would end badly. You should have done it this way." I have had this both happen to me and watch other people treat others this way. Watching someone walk toward destruction or toward something that with a little help they might not have done with more information. Of course this is especially hard for me because I'm an educator of sorts.
Example:
With my patients, I'd be a terrible therapist if I stood back and applied the above. "Yep. Their doing that exercise wrong. That looks terrible. Too bad." or "Yep they are lifting that box horribly and will rupture a disc eventually. That's going to hurt!" I can't stand by and watch that. I have to step up and offer helpful hints and corrections to what I see. Of course at that point, it is up to the person what they do with it, but at least I offered advice. 9 times out of 10 people are grateful and apply the advice. They have no intention to "rupture a disc" or do the "exercise" wrong or in other cases "go down that path" but until you share will they ever really know BEFORE they are shown the difference. Again this is the Knowing when to speak your mind.
When to mind your speech is tricky because the above often clouds and makes us great justifiers of sharing our opinion without a second thought. "Well at least I told them." "At least, I did the right thing with the information I've been trusted with." "That was just stupid of you. I never would have done it that way." That's not helpful, that's flat hurtful and full of bad attitude. If I ever pause to question, should I really say that, my instinct is usually right. Number one rule is above all else, even though you might be opinionated or right or even know from experience, will it build another up? Is your delivery effective or will your delivery be destructive? If the opinion and speech is too flavored with old bitter experience or a personal soap box, then your answer is clear. Be helpful in building others up, or mind your speech. When you don't, be helpful (not hurtful) and end with encouragement.
This quote has officially kicked my rear. The last few drafts for this have been terrible. I type, delete, retype and still don't like it. This is hard because sometimes with all the opinions out there, sometimes it is better to just be quite. At other times an opinion is needed to bring another option, information, or theory to the table. It is hard to watch people go down a path that is destructive and not say something. At other times, I think people are just mean that do silently watch. They stand back, talk amongst themselves and say, "Yep. I told you so. I knew it would end badly. You should have done it this way." I have had this both happen to me and watch other people treat others this way. Watching someone walk toward destruction or toward something that with a little help they might not have done with more information. Of course this is especially hard for me because I'm an educator of sorts.
Example:
With my patients, I'd be a terrible therapist if I stood back and applied the above. "Yep. Their doing that exercise wrong. That looks terrible. Too bad." or "Yep they are lifting that box horribly and will rupture a disc eventually. That's going to hurt!" I can't stand by and watch that. I have to step up and offer helpful hints and corrections to what I see. Of course at that point, it is up to the person what they do with it, but at least I offered advice. 9 times out of 10 people are grateful and apply the advice. They have no intention to "rupture a disc" or do the "exercise" wrong or in other cases "go down that path" but until you share will they ever really know BEFORE they are shown the difference. Again this is the Knowing when to speak your mind.
When to mind your speech is tricky because the above often clouds and makes us great justifiers of sharing our opinion without a second thought. "Well at least I told them." "At least, I did the right thing with the information I've been trusted with." "That was just stupid of you. I never would have done it that way." That's not helpful, that's flat hurtful and full of bad attitude. If I ever pause to question, should I really say that, my instinct is usually right. Number one rule is above all else, even though you might be opinionated or right or even know from experience, will it build another up? Is your delivery effective or will your delivery be destructive? If the opinion and speech is too flavored with old bitter experience or a personal soap box, then your answer is clear. Be helpful in building others up, or mind your speech. When you don't, be helpful (not hurtful) and end with encouragement.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Being Silent
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter. Martin Luther King
I read this quote a few weeks ago and circled it. It continues to weigh on my heart so I know that I must share this. Among the daily hussle and bussle, we all are faced with things that we are passionate about. Things that we pour our heart and life into. For a while now it completely burdens my heart when I hear things like, "just do the job", why do you take it home? or "just relax, no one really does it that way." As I continue to study for my certification, I hear "you are still a therapist when it's all done? What's the big deal? It won't increase your pay so why are you working so hard for it?"
Clearly this MATTERS to me. I cannot be silent about this when I am confronted with comments like this. I believe very strongly, first, that God brought me to this. There are easier paths out there, no doubt. I was not put here to simply walk down the easy path or be lazy. Through a very special lady who taught me piano, I have been shown that hard work, dedication, and excellence are a choice. But first and foremost, I also believe that God demands our very best. He DESERVES it. Not our leftovers, but our firstfruits. No only in tithe, but what we are good at. Aren't we good at it because HE gave us the ability? The talent? The knowledge?
So for the above questions I have been presented lately I guess I'm saying that I continue to press on, but no longer be too quite, too flexible, or too tolerant. A very wise youth director once told me, If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. How true that is! Another popular saying I love but I know can be taken to the extreme: Blessed are the flexible, for they do not get bent out of shape. Well I love that...but have no intention to represent Gumby and not know which way is up. (Clay maybe but no one is casting the mold except the Lord.)
So this week the challenge stands: DO NOT be silent about the things that matter.
Pay attention: a crude joke that breaks a heart and wounds a spirit, a kind word left unspoken that someone so desperately needs to hear, time with a friend or spouse that needs to be set aside, a book that a child wants read just one more time or like me pouring over books so that I can pour out over my patients and the people in my life. He places the passion in us to simply be an avenue to build relationships and share HIS great name! Be true to who He has made you and the people and things in your life that matter.
I read this quote a few weeks ago and circled it. It continues to weigh on my heart so I know that I must share this. Among the daily hussle and bussle, we all are faced with things that we are passionate about. Things that we pour our heart and life into. For a while now it completely burdens my heart when I hear things like, "just do the job", why do you take it home? or "just relax, no one really does it that way." As I continue to study for my certification, I hear "you are still a therapist when it's all done? What's the big deal? It won't increase your pay so why are you working so hard for it?"
Clearly this MATTERS to me. I cannot be silent about this when I am confronted with comments like this. I believe very strongly, first, that God brought me to this. There are easier paths out there, no doubt. I was not put here to simply walk down the easy path or be lazy. Through a very special lady who taught me piano, I have been shown that hard work, dedication, and excellence are a choice. But first and foremost, I also believe that God demands our very best. He DESERVES it. Not our leftovers, but our firstfruits. No only in tithe, but what we are good at. Aren't we good at it because HE gave us the ability? The talent? The knowledge?
So for the above questions I have been presented lately I guess I'm saying that I continue to press on, but no longer be too quite, too flexible, or too tolerant. A very wise youth director once told me, If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. How true that is! Another popular saying I love but I know can be taken to the extreme: Blessed are the flexible, for they do not get bent out of shape. Well I love that...but have no intention to represent Gumby and not know which way is up. (Clay maybe but no one is casting the mold except the Lord.)
So this week the challenge stands: DO NOT be silent about the things that matter.
Pay attention: a crude joke that breaks a heart and wounds a spirit, a kind word left unspoken that someone so desperately needs to hear, time with a friend or spouse that needs to be set aside, a book that a child wants read just one more time or like me pouring over books so that I can pour out over my patients and the people in my life. He places the passion in us to simply be an avenue to build relationships and share HIS great name! Be true to who He has made you and the people and things in your life that matter.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Things Hoped For
We all hope for things. Things unseen. Things we remember wanting as a little kid and waiting years for. A prince. A wedding. A degree or career we loved. A house. That huge, enormous closet that you could park a car in. Whatever it was if you waited....it usually ended up being better than you imagined! Left you speechless. My experiences that literally took my breath away were (just to name a FEW): wayland revivals, Jody holding my hand for the first time, camps, God's call for me in Hebrews 12:12 (ask and you shall receive), Jody's wreck, PT school interview & acceptance, love of close friends, proposal, wedding, positive pregnancy test(s), and the birth of my 2 beautiful children. There are just moments that cannot be summarized or recaptured. We live in them and remember them. I lay in bed with my eyes shut trying to reimagine exactly how they happened. How I felt. What I saw; what smells helped intensify the atmosphere; the sounds that were God-sent. I have a beautiful moment to add to this list now. Someone I love very very much. We all have our own moments but we know that we have connected with OTHERS when their moments become our own. When others JOY brings happiness and tears to our eyes. When we break ourselves over someone else's wants and desires, just like they were our own. I guess that's easy for me because I am an only child so when I have a friend I've known forever and been through thick and thin with, it is easy to feel like family. My new moment: my very best friend telling me that she is expecting and today that it is a BOY! You know who you are and I love still sharing THESE MOMENTS with you.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Challenges
Once in a while God prompts you to do something that you often feel is beyond yourself. Way beyond yourself. I think that we can all look back and recall these instances. This is one of them. I don't have anything profound to say, but my heart is full of excitement for what He's doing. I've noticed that the older I get God can break me over something well written...something beautiful written, played, or acted. Not that I'll be good at this, but I hope that at least it offers and small window into an open heart. It may be raw but that is often what we fail to be is transparent. We tend to think as we get older that we have to hold it together. Holding people at an arm's length so they don't see that "holding it together" is what we are actually bad at. We don't let people close anymore like we did in high school or college. Jody and I are blessed to work with youth. They constantly remind me what Jesus says to ALL of us. Not just the children. Let the children come. This DNOW weekend was just another reminder. As an adult, we set the example by leading but so often we are the ones who are the mess. God is the only reason we hold anything together. We never truly let people get to know us and when we do we are scared of what they will think of us. I'm tired of holding an arm extended saying...that's close enough...you're in my personal space. Jesus died in our personal place. He made us to be relational beings. This is just another opportunity I pray he uses to develop relationships and let others see that God is living and active in all of our lives. This is our story that He's given us and we are truly blessed!
Jody, Reece (3), Cale (8mo), and I live in a small Tx town. Jody has been a teacher and coach the last 6 yrs and I am a physical therapist. Between work, Jody's coaching schedule and the kids we stay very busy. This year God has also lead me to challenge myself where I am professionally. I am studying for my manual therapy certification (IPA!! Woot! Woot!) and find myself daily exhausted between trying to be PT, wife, friend, mother, and student. The days are long, the hours are late, but the information is GOOD. Just like the Lord because He provides His strength when I am too tired to function. I remember feeling this tired at Wayland, then PT school but it does bring a whole other challenge with a family. A beautiful challenge that when I am done, I will know on another level that "where God guides, HE PROVIDES." Provides the way to do this, when it seems impossible. When I am bent over books instead of our sweet babies. When I shortcut a meal with Stouffer's instead of my homemade feast that I want to cook. When I wonder how did that small pile of clothes become a mountain. Just like this present adventure, I know that God is GOOD and He will lead me in His truth. He will provide and fuel me as He always does.
Jody, Reece (3), Cale (8mo), and I live in a small Tx town. Jody has been a teacher and coach the last 6 yrs and I am a physical therapist. Between work, Jody's coaching schedule and the kids we stay very busy. This year God has also lead me to challenge myself where I am professionally. I am studying for my manual therapy certification (IPA!! Woot! Woot!) and find myself daily exhausted between trying to be PT, wife, friend, mother, and student. The days are long, the hours are late, but the information is GOOD. Just like the Lord because He provides His strength when I am too tired to function. I remember feeling this tired at Wayland, then PT school but it does bring a whole other challenge with a family. A beautiful challenge that when I am done, I will know on another level that "where God guides, HE PROVIDES." Provides the way to do this, when it seems impossible. When I am bent over books instead of our sweet babies. When I shortcut a meal with Stouffer's instead of my homemade feast that I want to cook. When I wonder how did that small pile of clothes become a mountain. Just like this present adventure, I know that God is GOOD and He will lead me in His truth. He will provide and fuel me as He always does.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)