Medication

Funny how medicine can make you feel. Or not feel as I am finding out. Everyone has been so sweet lately to ask, "How are you feeling after treatment?" My reply, "Great and thanks for asking." I'm such a bad liar. Why do we do that? Is it just easier not to give the real answer....probably. Easier not to bother people with reality. For me, it is really just because someone always has it worse and chances are I have run into them through the course of my day. I'm just thankful! Of course when Oct 28th comes I will be elated! It will mean that I get put back on my medicine. A medicine that I am both ashamed and embarassed to say I feel terrible without. I feel the weakness, I feel the muscles cramps, I FEEL THE RIDICULOUS fatigue. Fatigue is a word that I have never understood or ever let myself camp out on. It is a word that for years I have rejected through sleepless nights of study for years. I have rejected working 9-10+ hr days pregnant with the second. Rejected studying for CFMT with 2 kids and working full time. Then came the speed diagnosis of thyroid cancer, surgery, and finding yourself instantly living on a medicine that you don't really know all that much about.....until you're not on it anymore. Out of all the symptoms, the most frustrating has been the one I'm fighting through to type this. So if I blink twice talking to you face to face, don't hold a gaze with my husband for very long, or just glance at you instead of make good eye contact, don't be offended. My vision is blurred and there just might be 2 of you. So far driving  and far-sighted have not been affected so that's great! But it makes typing irritating and frustrating and even confusing. It takes twice as long but accuracy is a must for me as I am blessed to be a perfectionist. I'm spending extra time at work to get it all done but my prayer (is in sight) for the next 2 weeks, I will push through. This to will pass. It is silly but true. His strength is made PERFECT in my weakness, in my lack of meds because others have shared some crazy stories about how they felt. I just smile and nod. I feel those, but so much more I feel Him scoop me up and carry me through and I KNOW that it is HIM because it is nothing else. No med, no will to overcome it myself. Just Him.
I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breathe. Feel your heartbeat. Your love is so deep. It's more than I can take. It's overwhelming.
I love that sweet song right now cause I'm just sitting in my daddy's lap. Exhausted, wrung out, and limp. Nothing left but Him....but that's really all I've ever needed.