So many holiday seasons have passed to quickly. This year was definitely another one. Saturday morning we drove the 3 hours to the in-laws house, played with cousins and had the family Christmas early afternoon. By late afternoon, I crashed on the couch along with a few others. I kept tossing, noting HOW achy I felt and just kept sleeping. From 4 to 9 exactly. I finally got up and wandered into the kitchen and fixed some leftovers. Yummy fried steak and potatoes. I watched another hour of Christmas movies and then crashed again. I woke up almost every hour, aching worse and had a bad headache. And by 6 the next morning I finally stopped tossing and got up to the bathroom. The next thing I knew I was laying in the floor. I knew when I stood up I was lightheaded, but when I finally came around I was more thankful that I had not hit my head. (The is NOT to be taken lightly anymore because another Rule-ian, Coach Brilles brother Eddie passed away several weeks ago from a nasty fall, resulting in head trauma.) So clearly my little passing out spell was scary even though I was fine. I guess I managed to moan and groan enough that my sweet mother-in-law heard me and helped me get up and cool off. Unbelievable how quickly a sickness can come over you. I was floored because literally 3 days later I still wasn't myself and still the 4th day had some of the symptoms lingering. I just hadn't been hit that hard for so many days in a row since college when I had strep for 4 days with high fever.
So all that to say, I was sad when I came around 3-4 days later to realize that Christmas was here and I had missed my break entirely. I rolled over at 3:30 this morning in horror to realize "the gifts" had not been left under the tree and the 3 year old had somehow managed to sneak in bed between us. UGH! I shook Jody several times to a reluctant elf and asked him to get up while I watched Cale sleep. He got up and was the LOUDEST helper EVER!! Ripping boxes open and setting up. I just knew he would either wake Cale or Reece, but thankfully we were fine. I rolled out of bed this morning to Reece's screams "HE CAME"......her pluto and flutter fairy were waiting and "MOM, DAD! He brought Cale's ninja turtles!" So 5:30 came very early at our house to groggy headed parents, but the little fellow held onto sweet dreams until 8:00. So a quick "hooray" and more pics with him, then I threw myself in the shower, wrestled the tangles out of this mane, and threw some scrubs on to go in to work. Yes, it is true. I prayed extra, that after the way I felt, that the load today would be super light. And thankfully it was.
Other than fighting another headache, I feel better but it still saddens me that I missed so much fun with family and the kids. Christmas comes but once a year.......
So in my obvious sulking today, Jesus birth overcame me yet again. Christmas comes but once a year. Really? His birthday does, but OUR Christmas is every day. For every day we have a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. Unlike our new presents we unwrapped today, He is new and renews us every day. He heals, protects, gives, provides, lifts, and takes care of us. DAILY. That tiny little baby. So many of our friends have posted sweet facebook pics of their newborns and in scrolling through the pictures, one thing is sure. A baby is tiny, delicate, but somehow durable. A tiny strength. A completeness. But still so tiny. So our Savior came in the form of a tiny baby to grow and walk among us. What a sweet entry into the world. What a quite, unannounced way to enter the world as a KING. Funny how we want fanfare for us coming into work/school/church, or like our kids showing up for school and wanting everyone to know it. What a Savior!!
This Christmas was just another humble reminder for me that I am truly unimportant. That even as a mom, wife, aunt, homemaker, supervisor, therapist, teacher, friend, and daughter, the reason for this season will still come and go whether we are ready for it to or not. It will still pass. That occurred to me through all the rest I got while I was down. That it is not up to me. The importance of today was set. It happened long ago. There was a birth, a death, a resurrection. It is finished. We celebrate today knowing that. The most important thing to me this Christmas is that HE CAME and in our hearts we celebrate!
Blessings to you and your family!! Merry Christmas!!
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Biopsy Results
So first of all, I have to say an overwhelming thank you to all of you who posted and prayed for me. Everyone is so gracious and I'm truly humbled by the kindness and support you all showered me with. For those that don't know, in 2011, 6 weeks before a monster certification exam I had my thyroid removed due to suspicious results. It was cancer and I followed that with the normal radioactive iodine treatment that fall. Basically to summarize, the next few months after that were rough due to medication reactions and my system just being overloaded from the quick changes that had happened. My body was just overwhelmed. Not really a big deal now other than following up with my doctor until a 5 year mark. This July I had a standard ultrasound of the neck that showed enlarged lymph nodes and recommended follow-up with a biopsy. So that was what today was about. Last week I saw my ENT, who also felt the nodes and confirmed that they were swollen and thought the biopsy was a good ideal as well as my endocrinologist. On Friday, I had a co-worker/friend feel the area that would be biopsied today and again, she raised her eyebrows and felt the area.
Last night was a blur. I was nervous and scared because not the procedure so much but what it could mean. I knew any lymph wasn't good if they found something and the next steps would be very unpleasant. I prayed and then posted and that was it.
So this morning when I went in I will admit I was having trouble feeling the spots that they would biopsy. My mother-in-law prayed over me and read healing scriptures over me as I drove to work and told me that she had prayed all week that any bad cells would be replaced with good.
Well, I'm happy to say I didn't even have to wait for results. There was nothing there to biopsy. You can turn that into whatever you want. I came home and read the old results from July again. Yep they were there. But not today. You can say what you want. You were sick in July and they were just big---no I wasn't sick in July. Summer is my best time when allergies are calm and upper respiratory doesn't flare. They were there 3 weeks ago for the endocrinologist and last week for the ENT. But today, I know why they weren't. Thank you for your prayers. I praise God for Jeremiah 30:17. As the Gideon study taught me.....I won't dare put the praise in another place, or write it off, or take the credit for myself. There is a great God and He did a mighty work for me today and I KNOW IT. It may seem small to some, but not when its your body and your going through it. The mental prep alone is exhausting. Praise the Lord that when I thought I would have to do something, He removed it completely. Funny how I read over Ephesians 3:20 this morning before going in. Immeasurably MORE. Well, yes HE DID!
Last night was a blur. I was nervous and scared because not the procedure so much but what it could mean. I knew any lymph wasn't good if they found something and the next steps would be very unpleasant. I prayed and then posted and that was it.
So this morning when I went in I will admit I was having trouble feeling the spots that they would biopsy. My mother-in-law prayed over me and read healing scriptures over me as I drove to work and told me that she had prayed all week that any bad cells would be replaced with good.
Well, I'm happy to say I didn't even have to wait for results. There was nothing there to biopsy. You can turn that into whatever you want. I came home and read the old results from July again. Yep they were there. But not today. You can say what you want. You were sick in July and they were just big---no I wasn't sick in July. Summer is my best time when allergies are calm and upper respiratory doesn't flare. They were there 3 weeks ago for the endocrinologist and last week for the ENT. But today, I know why they weren't. Thank you for your prayers. I praise God for Jeremiah 30:17. As the Gideon study taught me.....I won't dare put the praise in another place, or write it off, or take the credit for myself. There is a great God and He did a mighty work for me today and I KNOW IT. It may seem small to some, but not when its your body and your going through it. The mental prep alone is exhausting. Praise the Lord that when I thought I would have to do something, He removed it completely. Funny how I read over Ephesians 3:20 this morning before going in. Immeasurably MORE. Well, yes HE DID!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Importance of Praying
I wrote a while back over Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million and am reminded of this lesson tonight. For anyone who is interested in the area, we will start a women's bible study again at the first of the NEW year again. Right now, I'm feeling the need for a break. Not a break from meeting but a break to pray and wait and ask. Ask for direction and take time to listen. Because I feel something in my spirit that makes me excited. I feel the momentum that builds when you just know that God, through the Holy Spirit, is working and about to work. Of course I don't know what it will look like but that's the importance of asking and waiting. And other forms of preparation if He asks. There is a sweet strength of a group of women that rely on the Lord and for that I know that we all need to be prepared to hear. So for those who want to join me in praying, the prep starts now. Praying for the next study to undertake, that it will come with a strong leading from the Lord. There are so many of us (me included!) who are sitting on the edge of our seats waiting, longing, ready to hear the Lord. As funny as that sounds, I know that we should always be ready to do what He ask and as ALWAYS from the great commission.....some things we just don't have to pray about....we just KNOW we are supposed to be doing this already.
It is just exciting to study God's word with a hungry group of ladies who truly want to dive deep and study the word and watch it leave an imprint. It is even more humbling to look back of past studies and see how many Prayers the Lord DOES ANSWER over the mere course of a study. It does make me anticipate the in between prep and prayers over the next one. I love bringing the request we make to the Lord, knowing that He will answer us. And humbled completely when He does. I think the best part about studying God's Word with a group of women is the beautiful relationships that are built and that we get to live this messy life TOGETHER!
So in reference to the above book again in closing, I can feel God doing something a long way off. He may be doing it downstream before we see His preparation, but rest assured the work is being done. He is doing something right now visible or not. May it fall on listening ears and teachable, soft hearts. That is my prayer over all of us!
It is just exciting to study God's word with a hungry group of ladies who truly want to dive deep and study the word and watch it leave an imprint. It is even more humbling to look back of past studies and see how many Prayers the Lord DOES ANSWER over the mere course of a study. It does make me anticipate the in between prep and prayers over the next one. I love bringing the request we make to the Lord, knowing that He will answer us. And humbled completely when He does. I think the best part about studying God's Word with a group of women is the beautiful relationships that are built and that we get to live this messy life TOGETHER!
So in reference to the above book again in closing, I can feel God doing something a long way off. He may be doing it downstream before we see His preparation, but rest assured the work is being done. He is doing something right now visible or not. May it fall on listening ears and teachable, soft hearts. That is my prayer over all of us!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Our Influences
Everything around us has some type of influence over us. Good or bad it has an affect on us. It could be a thing, an idea or theory, school of thought or training, a person, or the Lord. But whatever it may be, we only lie to ourselves if we say that we are immune to influence and we are strong enough to influence everything and be affected by nothing. Wrong again. I think the more important question to ask is what have we ALLOWED to seep deep enough to influence our drive, our thoughts, our work, our minds, our beliefs, and our families. The last time I wrote, I referred to tolerance and this ties back to that. If we continue to allow everything around us to influence us, then eventually we build a tolerance to it, but heaven forbid that we lose our beliefs over it. In the first weeks of the Daniel study by Beth Moore she says the if we are not deliberate in our training of godliness that we will easily fall to the Babylon around us. Ouch. But so true.
Influence is a powerful thing, not to be handled or taken lightly. We all are influential in a sense to a child, friend, co-worker, family member, or a bystander. For those we are close to, our influence often is much deep than we would believe. We don't stop long enough to reflect how much what we say, how we act, or how we carry ourselves can influence someone else. Whether gloomy, happy, spunky, realistic, angry, bitter, or encouraging, some type of attitude is communicated in our very being that has the power to affect someone else. We have all been around someone who is angry or bitter or unforgiving and know how forlorn and drained that can make us feel; equally so, we know people who brighten a room, are always optimistic, a ray of sunshine, and turn lemons into lemonade. So what kind of influence are you? Better yet, what kind of influence do you want to be and what are some step or goals that would help you/I get there? We must be willing to sift ourselves, filter out what really serves no purpose but a selfish one.
Hard-water staining is one of the most annoying things I have dealt with since living in a hard water district. It is ugly and white and impossible to scrub off without some assistance. By a little vinegar. By nature, vinegar is an acid and a helpful one when you deal with this sort of problem. All of us are stained without Christ. After salvation, we are still human and sometimes hold onto things that are a terrible influence like a bad drip. After a while, the surface starts to show what a slow steady drip can do. It leaves a stain like hard water that is impossible to scrub without a acid to help.
My prayer is that my influence and your influence never looks ugly like a nasty hard water stain for all to see and know that we did not do the daily work on ourselves to invest in a God who loves us and longs to spend time with us. Longs to teach us. The beauty of knowing Christ is going to the only source that can remove and wipe away years and give us a new outlook. Every day. It is easy to let the troubles of this life weigh us down and wear on us like hard water. We have to learn to shut off the bad attitudes and influences and stop being so affected by them. Praise the Lord that He gives us our footing, our influence so that we can hopefully make an impact for Him. Because anything else is probably rooted in something Babylonian: selfish, greedy, ego, pride, and material. We must be deliberate about our relationship with God to continue to be the type of influence He intended for us to be.
Influence is a powerful thing, not to be handled or taken lightly. We all are influential in a sense to a child, friend, co-worker, family member, or a bystander. For those we are close to, our influence often is much deep than we would believe. We don't stop long enough to reflect how much what we say, how we act, or how we carry ourselves can influence someone else. Whether gloomy, happy, spunky, realistic, angry, bitter, or encouraging, some type of attitude is communicated in our very being that has the power to affect someone else. We have all been around someone who is angry or bitter or unforgiving and know how forlorn and drained that can make us feel; equally so, we know people who brighten a room, are always optimistic, a ray of sunshine, and turn lemons into lemonade. So what kind of influence are you? Better yet, what kind of influence do you want to be and what are some step or goals that would help you/I get there? We must be willing to sift ourselves, filter out what really serves no purpose but a selfish one.
Hard-water staining is one of the most annoying things I have dealt with since living in a hard water district. It is ugly and white and impossible to scrub off without some assistance. By a little vinegar. By nature, vinegar is an acid and a helpful one when you deal with this sort of problem. All of us are stained without Christ. After salvation, we are still human and sometimes hold onto things that are a terrible influence like a bad drip. After a while, the surface starts to show what a slow steady drip can do. It leaves a stain like hard water that is impossible to scrub without a acid to help.
My prayer is that my influence and your influence never looks ugly like a nasty hard water stain for all to see and know that we did not do the daily work on ourselves to invest in a God who loves us and longs to spend time with us. Longs to teach us. The beauty of knowing Christ is going to the only source that can remove and wipe away years and give us a new outlook. Every day. It is easy to let the troubles of this life weigh us down and wear on us like hard water. We have to learn to shut off the bad attitudes and influences and stop being so affected by them. Praise the Lord that He gives us our footing, our influence so that we can hopefully make an impact for Him. Because anything else is probably rooted in something Babylonian: selfish, greedy, ego, pride, and material. We must be deliberate about our relationship with God to continue to be the type of influence He intended for us to be.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Jars of Clay
Today has been interesting. I have had a few rough weeks. Not anything in particular, but everything in general. The straw that literally and figuratively breaks the camel's back has been put to the test. That's usually how it works. Just one more thing, one more activity, one more trip, commitment, change, or alteration. Whatever circumstance we may be facing may be our choice or not. But so much of mine has piled and piled lately because I have not set boundaries. As I stare at the "Simplify" sign hanging in the kitchen, I wonder when did I become someone who never says no. Well technically I've usually said NO, which translate to "Let me think" or "I'll consider it after I've had time to weigh it out" but NEVER have I just said Yes. That statement comes as no surprise for those of you who know me.
Recently as I said, I've found that bit by bit I've become overwhelmed. Not by choice. More like by force and no one else wants to do it. So settling down tonight writing this is very revealing of the hats I'm taking off before I go to sleep. Chauffeur, chef, mom, daughter, wife, therapist, housekeeper, medication organizer, life-long student, friend, scheduler, sorter, bag finder, computer WIJ (where is Jody?!), organizer ........ The last one seems to get me. Really I didn't sign up for some of what I find on my plate?! And frankly I should not be putting up with some of the rudeness I find myself in the middle of. Like a magnet for nice it flocks to me and now I want to repel the rudeness that I must look like I will tolerate. It is first of all unnecessary. Second, would anyone want to be on the receiving end? Of course most people do not think of their sting at the end of their eloquently witty sentence that burns with much sarcasm, but seriously reconsider your words.
Here's my word again. Be INTENTIONAL. For without intention, much can get smeared into assumption due to lack of caring or not listening. Be Intentional about your actions. And yes, about what you tolerate. Tolerance is interesting. I've tired to never be so tolerant personally that I don't know what I stand for. Tolerance is never about setting healthy boundaries that are RUDE but gently and protectively say, "No you don't have access to that." Tolerance in a sense is love but it is NOT approval. Tolerance interval, a type of statistical probability. This was very interesting to google tolerance.
Statistical Probability came up in the long list. Interesting indeed. So for most of my life I have set personal limits, tolerance if you well. I've tired to not be anything but Christ like but I know that I've fallen so short. Thankfully God works through it anyway. Tolerance Interval is very interesting despite its statistical relevance because that by itself speaks to me. My tolerance interval needs to change before my statistical probability catches up with me. Only Christ can give us the tolerance and love we need day to day to step away from being overwhelmed and moments from being ready to crack. It does all become too much at times. We find ourselves gasping for breath, crying out "That's really enough. I can't take anymore."
Their insults have broken my heart, and I am in despair. If only one person would show some pity; if only one would turn and comfort me.
Psalm 69:20
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9
Jars of Clay Indeed. Only by the POWER of the Lord!
Recently as I said, I've found that bit by bit I've become overwhelmed. Not by choice. More like by force and no one else wants to do it. So settling down tonight writing this is very revealing of the hats I'm taking off before I go to sleep. Chauffeur, chef, mom, daughter, wife, therapist, housekeeper, medication organizer, life-long student, friend, scheduler, sorter, bag finder, computer WIJ (where is Jody?!), organizer ........ The last one seems to get me. Really I didn't sign up for some of what I find on my plate?! And frankly I should not be putting up with some of the rudeness I find myself in the middle of. Like a magnet for nice it flocks to me and now I want to repel the rudeness that I must look like I will tolerate. It is first of all unnecessary. Second, would anyone want to be on the receiving end? Of course most people do not think of their sting at the end of their eloquently witty sentence that burns with much sarcasm, but seriously reconsider your words.
Here's my word again. Be INTENTIONAL. For without intention, much can get smeared into assumption due to lack of caring or not listening. Be Intentional about your actions. And yes, about what you tolerate. Tolerance is interesting. I've tired to never be so tolerant personally that I don't know what I stand for. Tolerance is never about setting healthy boundaries that are RUDE but gently and protectively say, "No you don't have access to that." Tolerance in a sense is love but it is NOT approval. Tolerance interval, a type of statistical probability. This was very interesting to google tolerance.
Statistical Probability came up in the long list. Interesting indeed. So for most of my life I have set personal limits, tolerance if you well. I've tired to not be anything but Christ like but I know that I've fallen so short. Thankfully God works through it anyway. Tolerance Interval is very interesting despite its statistical relevance because that by itself speaks to me. My tolerance interval needs to change before my statistical probability catches up with me. Only Christ can give us the tolerance and love we need day to day to step away from being overwhelmed and moments from being ready to crack. It does all become too much at times. We find ourselves gasping for breath, crying out "That's really enough. I can't take anymore."
Their insults have broken my heart, and I am in despair. If only one person would show some pity; if only one would turn and comfort me.
Psalm 69:20
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9
Jars of Clay Indeed. Only by the POWER of the Lord!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
God Shaped Hole
There is a pull in me stronger than anything I've known. It can make me stop and remember what is truly important. It is seeing a beautiful sunrise or sunset and being reminded that the Lord did that. He made that, painted that. No one else. It is seeing the magnitude of a mountain, topped with white powder and knowing that God can still move that mountain if He so chooses. It is seeing a child and knowing that people can take credit for that, but only God makes the cells to create a human being. There is something about the Lord and His great love that just becomes ingrained in us, in me. I'm so thankful for that. He's like breathing. Effortless to love when I remember what He did for me. How could I choose another when a love like that covers me?! I constantly feel the pull and stress and chaos of this world like we all do, but something else is greater still. His strength and provision. His grace. His mercy. I know that on my own I am nothing. I am dry and have very little to offer of value that can truly last. It is humbling to be reminded that others depend on me, count on me, and expect things from me. That pull reminds me where it comes from and WHO gives me what I need if I offer anything at all. That is so humbling. That pulls me to kneel and beg Him to work in me and through me because that is an enormous task. Just a few songs that whip me into that presence. Love me some worship for Him to fill me so that I can have something useful to pour back out. Look them up....enjoy that irresistible presence.
Kari Jobe- Revelation Song
Plumb- God Shaped Hole
Sidewalk Prophets- The Words I Would Say
The Stand
Kari Jobe- Revelation Song
Plumb- God Shaped Hole
Sidewalk Prophets- The Words I Would Say
The Stand
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Studying
So life has been a little crazy for this family again. I am studying for another certification that will just allow me to do more in the way of teaching one-on-one, so prayers are appreciated right now. I have a family of troopers who go through these crazy things with me and an awesome set of co-workers that encourage me and make me want to be better.
So a few thoughts from the recent weeks of studying and yet again feeling like I have to zero in again and "fling more off" as the test date gets closer. Studying has taught me large volumes of knowledge obviously but through the process is what I think I truly walk away from feeling stretched, pushed to my limit, and where I grow the most. It is a focus that makes me throw things off that don't truly matter, or that can wait, or that just aren't priority. But as the intensity builds I tend to ask myself, why don't we live like that anyway? Without approaching dates, tests, or what have you. Wouldn't life be more fun living knowing that we are truly being intentional with our time instead of just randomly hoping that our tired effort gets us by. Just some thoughts from all these days of pure intensity that make me look inward then outward and reflect that we are always studying something but is it really worth our while? Whether it is a facebook status, recent fashion styles, music, a gift for someone, presentations for work/class, or you fill in the blank: does it really have a reaching effect to other people? Will it matter in a year? Will you be glad you spent time doing it? Can you stand on the stepping stone of now and be glad you did that to reach the next level? Was it truly worth the sacrifice?
Isn't it always if your commitment is to the Lord in the first place? It's all for His glory anyway.
So a few thoughts from the recent weeks of studying and yet again feeling like I have to zero in again and "fling more off" as the test date gets closer. Studying has taught me large volumes of knowledge obviously but through the process is what I think I truly walk away from feeling stretched, pushed to my limit, and where I grow the most. It is a focus that makes me throw things off that don't truly matter, or that can wait, or that just aren't priority. But as the intensity builds I tend to ask myself, why don't we live like that anyway? Without approaching dates, tests, or what have you. Wouldn't life be more fun living knowing that we are truly being intentional with our time instead of just randomly hoping that our tired effort gets us by. Just some thoughts from all these days of pure intensity that make me look inward then outward and reflect that we are always studying something but is it really worth our while? Whether it is a facebook status, recent fashion styles, music, a gift for someone, presentations for work/class, or you fill in the blank: does it really have a reaching effect to other people? Will it matter in a year? Will you be glad you spent time doing it? Can you stand on the stepping stone of now and be glad you did that to reach the next level? Was it truly worth the sacrifice?
Isn't it always if your commitment is to the Lord in the first place? It's all for His glory anyway.
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